Debriefing (my version of) Spring Break

  Well, once it actually got going, my Chicago trip went off without a hitch. I had a wonderful time reconnecting with old friends. In fact, I had such a great time, not once did it occur to me to take a photo. Even though my camera sat in the bottom of my purse the whole weekend! Several of you won't be surprised by this. It's honestly not that I don't want to have pictures, it's just laziness I guess. Here's the run down of the weekend:

Get in on Thursday night. It was the greatest feeling to walk up to the house I have spent so many days/nights in to an unlocked door and a big "Welcome Home" upon entry. Late, but just enough time to sit and rehash the latest life news with Paul. 

Friday was roommate reunion day. The guys had to work so my dear former rommie, Mindi, and I set out about Lincoln Square. Pedicures and delicious brunch at Cafe Selmarie. Mindi and I spent two years living together before I moved back to Omaha. We had our ups and downs but I have never once regretted a second of it (maybe that one thing I said that one time) because living with her taught me volumes about love and communication. We used to have our roommate rituals and man, do I miss them! On Saturdays, for example, we would wake up, walk or drive up to Starbucks for coffee, then walk next door to Panera to get bagels (toasted, with butter, to go...under $1!!) before heading home with a Chicago Tribune to read together in the living room. It was great time spent together then as it was this weekend and we reveled in "girly" stuff. This was followed by a chili dinner with Paul and Andy and a FREE trip to the Davis for a showing of I Love You, Man (a good laugh).

Saturday was another awesome day. Andy and I trekked out to Northbrook for the REI garage sale, both with dividends in hand. Andy found some good stuff. I find it hard to a) pay full retail for gear I get crazy cheap through work b) fight other people for gear I get crazy cheap through work. We had planned to hit the new downtown REI as well, but with an hour to burn we made an impromptu stop at a dive diner I love in Lincoln Park for Omelettes. Then on to REI #2, where we both made some purchases and spent a LOT of time talking gear. There are not many in the world that will talk gear with me. I loved spending a solid morning doing nothing but just that. Later, Paul and I spent a few hours working in the garden (one of my favorite things to do in Chicago is work in Paul's yard). If any of you identify your love language as quality time, you will understand that while we spent little time talking to one another, working on the yard project was an awesome time spent with an incredible person. Had the evening to myself, reading my book on the dust bowl (history buffs...The Worst Hard Time) before Andy joined me for dinner and a movie. Side note: We watched Weird Science and I think I can safely say we were both shocked at it's stupidity and subject matter (it's basically a teen movie about statutory rape?!?). One of those that you remember being AWESOME as a kid and now....ick.

Finally, Easter arrived! He is risen, indeed! Rich, Paul and I head out to a church service that we needed TICKETS to get into. That's all I'll say about that. We had nice conversation on the drive to/from and I was struck with appreciation for the chance to sit in a car with two men who were crucial to my spiritual development as a college student. Great mentors! Paul and I then feasted on a glorious holiday meal of....wait for it....Taco Bell. Yep, high class people. Naps on the couch to baseball...fantastic. Spent dinner with the kids I used to nanny for, who are all twice the size I remember, with three times the personality! Puzzle time. The guys and I worked a puzzle of Chicago for a few hours before bed. Quite the day!

Last day. Sigh. Andy called in sick to attempt a bike ride. RAINED OUT! Breakfast with one of my best friends, Polly, who I haven't seen since her wedding almost a year ago. Back to the house for the annual Paul/Jessie (we like to refer to ourselves as DiddyBird...long story) music exchange. Cds were flinging around left and right. I love that we do this because it means I always have new music to drive home to. 

The word of the weekend was EPIC. It started as a joke, but quickly became the theme. Some may be surprised by this as my so-called "epic" weekend included words like gardening and puzzles. Apparently I get around really well...for a 90 year old. There were three separate instances where the movie Perfect Storm was on in the background. At one point in the film, the weather service employee describes the collision of three storm systems to be one of "epic proportions." I think that the "storms" of all of these incredible people, who never fail to breathe life into me, colliding for a weekend was absolutely perfect. If only I had pictures to prove it happened.

DOH!

Okay guys. This is embarrassing. 

I've been planning for a month to spend Easter in Chicago. Chicago is my sanctuary. Strange to find that in a big city. I'm positive that it has more to do with the people than the city itself but I digress. About a month ago, I hit a wall. Had some crappy stuff come my way and figured it was time to escape. I called all of my nearest and dearest in the windy city to make sure all would be around. In planning ahead, I got a great deal on a plane ticket. Even though I'm headed out over a holiday weekend. 

As I've dealt with the ickiness of the last 30 days, I've used Chicago as my "light at the end of the tunnel". Tomorrow, I depart. I even left work early today to come home and pack. A day before a trip is planning pretty far ahead for me. As I drove home, itinerary in hand, ready to zip to my computer and check in...something strange caught my eye. My itinerary read as follows:

Depart Chicago Midway 4/8 8:55pm

Arrive Omaha Eppley 4/8 10:20pm

Depart Omaha Eppley 4/13 8:00pm

Arrive Chicago Midway 4/13 9:20pm

Ummmmmmm...anything look strange here? I booked a round trip plane ticket to the wrong city. This is BY FAR, HANDS DOWN the DUMBEST thing I've done lately. I'm only relieved I realized it today and not at 7:45 tomorrow night at the ticketing gate. 

Of course all of the things I had going for this ticket initially, worked against me. It's Easter weekend. I booked a non-refundable cheapo seat. I am SOL unless I'm willing to pay three times the price to change the ticket. I am not. 

So, now, tomorrow afternoon, my itinerary will go as follows:

Depart Omaha work via Toyota 4/8 2pm

Arrive Chicago ANYWHERE 4/8 10pm

This makes me sincerely hope that circumstances in my life will only improve and that I will never again make rash ticket-booking decisions under emotional stress (see previous post for emotional details). DOH!

What's up, Brutha?!

  

 8 years ago, my brother joined the Marine Corps. While I have always been proud of him for his choice, I will also be the first to admit that I was devastated when he left for boot camp. Being just the two of us, we've always been close. Not in the tell all your secrets kind of way, but in that laugh together, beat each other up, give a lot of crap but go to the ends of the earth if needed kind of way. So, even though I was already living in Chicago when he left for 8 weeks, the thought of losing my ability to communicate with him was heartbreaking.

 Seems so long ago. He's since lived in several cities, been through 3 tours in Iraq, fallen in love and gotten engaged, has almost finished school and accomplished countless other things. We've been apart for so many years that the idea of his enlistment coming to an end seems unreal. Soon, however, it will be a reality. My brother and I will be living in the same city for the first time in the better part of a decade. Incredible!

 As I talked this over with my wonderful future sister-in-law tonight at dinner, I got giddy. I am looking forward to so many things. Some of them include:

a) going on a triple date with Ben and Alissa.  Andy (practically my other brother) and his date have to be there too.

b) not being the only child in town for holidays...or ever for that matter

c) working out with Ben. I can NOT wait to call him to go climbing, running, biking etc

d) he may not realize it but we will also be climbing a mountain together at some point

e) getting big fat hugs from him

f) never having to seriously date someone that he can't meet (approve of) again

g) laughing together until our stomachs hurt

h) just having him a part of everyday life again

i) pretending I can beat him up

j) seeing what he decides to do once out of the military. whatever it is, he'll be great at it!

k) being an auntie (okay, you get a couple of years for this one but I'm ready when you are. those kids are gonna be in a tent before they can walk. just warning you)

The list goes on. 17 days.

Loves/Hates....scratch that...Loves only!

  

I spent the better part of an hour and a half instant messaging with my best friend tonight on..gag me...FACEBOOK! It was a flashback to high school, for both of us I think. You remember the days of America Online and chat rooms? Thank goodness that's over! Rarely will I succumb to the temptation to IM on Facebook. I should be able to find thousands of interesting things to do, other than IM, right? 

Like many things, I am willing to compromise...for my best friend. There are other posts on here that allude to my strong affection for her (her husband also) so I will spare you the gushy details again. My experience hanging out with her *virtually* this evening, inspired me to lighten things up around here...take a break from introspection (or pretend to anyway). 

  It got me thinking about quirks. The quirky things we love and hate. For the sake of the "lightening" though aaaaaaand in order to focus on the positive, I'm going to set aside the pet peeves for tonight. 

 In no particular order, here are some of the random, quirky things I 

LOOOVE (enough for 3 o's):

* The squeaky sound of fingers running up and down guitar strings. I will download songs for this reason, alone. Check this one out!

* That deep, deep blue of the sky, just before it changes to black

* Hamburgers! Being a vegetarian means I only allow one per year, on my birthday. I think about it for 364 days.

* Merino wool. I'm a snob about it and wear it almost exclusively. ewww

* Neil Diamond. He got the way to move me, Cherry.

*Letters. Writing AND receiving them! I love when people take the time to write a letter.

* Getting dressed up. I spend all day wearing outdoor gear and while I love it, I really LOVE getting waaaaay dressed up. I wish I had an excuse to go to a ball...princess style!

*........... (yep, I love doing the period extenders!)

* History. If I had a time machine, I would waste my opportunity, conflicted in not knowing where to go first.

* Air quotes! Especially when people use them "incorrectly." It kills me!

* Anyone who asks great questions

So, now I'll turn the table. What are your weird, quirky loves?

When the going gets tough...

the tough buy plane tickets. At least I do. It's probably not the most fiscally responsible reaction to emotional stress, but it's my coping mechanism. Hyper-independence. 

  I've always been "independent." Not one to shy away from going to a movie alone or getting in the car and driving to find some solitude. I've even traveled abroad on my own, much to the dismay of my mother. It's been a recurring theme in my life as I have struggled to find the balance of taking time for myself and being with others. There was a time where I had many non-committal friends, which pushed me into the mindset of "just because so-and-so can't/doesn't want to go, doesn't mean that I shouldn't." And I would. I have. I do. The issue is that then I found myself planning to do everything alone, assuming that others would either lack interest or bail. This led to several missed opportunities to share experiences.  

 What I began to discover is that in being entirely independent, I was isolating myself from others. It became an excuse not to make an effort and, in short, a rational reason not to trust others. As I began to work on this, inevitably I let my guard down. I made the choice to trust even in knowing that there were many risks. And I was okay with that. After all, no one is perfect. We will all let someone down and be let down. That's just part of life. And fearing that is NOT a reason to miss out on a chance to have a deeper relationship.

  So, I currently find myself in a situation in which a relationship I had invested a lot of my time and energy into is no longer in the picture...and I am reverting to my old habits.  As this person pulled away, I booked a trip to Chicago, a 10 day class in Colorado and a vacation with friends to Peru! It's as if I have to prove to myself that I am okay, with or without this person. 

 What I'm currently struggling to come to terms with is that IT'S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY. If the purpose of life is to love, then losing the love of a friend, a family member, a significant other, should be felt. It should be a big deal. If I really put into it all that I claim, then losing it should hold significant (and possibly lasting) meaning in my life. 

 We have all had friendships/relationships pass. These losses may be gradual, others are a rug pulled from underneath. For whatever effect it has, I hope and pray that I would truly feel it. Process and learn from it. I have not done my part on this earth if I let relationships pass as if they had no meaning. I have not loved my neighbor enough if I can live without missing their presence. 

 And while I think about this, I'm taking a vacation.

A Week of Adventure

My mission this week is a slight twist on the old saying, "Do one thing every day that scares you." While I can't commit to bungee jumping or asking guys out every day this week, I can commit to doing something new or different (picture worthy) every day. I'm a few days into this so I'm going to try to catch you all up. I can't wait to see what the rest of the week will hold. A true reminder that everything in life is an adventure if you look for it. So, here we go.

Day One: 

Wear a sombrero and allow a picture to be taken. This one was in honor of my friend, Erin's, birthday. Friends and margaritas all around. The adventure this night was the conversation!!

Day Two: 

Start my community garden for the year. A little manure helped to break in my new cowboy boots. Add a little mulch, and we have the beginnings of a little greenery in the ghetto. I already have some chives popping up and am looking forward to seeing what else survived the winter. 

Day Three:

Spend 12 straight hours with my best friend, eating, exploring Fremont, antiquing and laughing our guts out. Fun find of the day, this old beer barrel that had been converted into a picnic table, complete with lighting. The scary part of the day was that I spent my money on breakfast at Delice, lunch on the run from Jimmy Johns and dessert at Zesto's for Ry, Sar and myself. Thank goodness Ryan served up a healthy dose of Boca burger for dinner or I'd be in the poorhouse!

Day Four:

Take a group of friends on a silent, contemplative hike. What I thought to be an "easy" 4-mile loop, turned into an after-dark rescue as a few members wandered **miles** off trail. Headlamps signaling, whistles blowing and celebratory beer and pizza after all were recovered. Great to put all of that training to use. Always remember your ten essentials!! 

(sorry I don't have pics of the rescue effort. It wasn't our priority as I'm sure you'll understand)

What A Girl Blogs

  Why blog? I often ask this of myself and others every time I scroll through my standard blog series. I check certain blogs as consistently as I check the weather or hulu for the latest episode of The Office. I even check my best friend's blog from vacation on my Blackberry. Why? Often, I worry that it's out of boredom, which may be true, however, lately I am discovering that I find something cathartic in the consistency of normal people's "everyday lives." I genuinely find peace in knowing that even in times of change, some things will never change. 

  This point was driven home for me this past week as my mom and I made a surprise appearance at the childhood home of my best friend from elementary school/junior high (we were invited, but weren't announced). I hadn't seen this friend in 5 years! Since a few weeks after I watched her firstborn be delivered (a tremendous honor). I worried that there would be nothing to say, that we'd have nothing in common anymore. She is, after all, married with 3 kiddos now! I am not, much to the dismay of some. Sometimes, when long periods of time pass between friends catching up, there are moments of awkwardness. Desperately looking for the level of intimacy you had when last you spoke, but having missed out of the mundane experiences (i like to call it the meat) of one an other's lives.

 The blessing in this week's experience is that, while we had missed out on so much...SO MUCH was the same. In five years, both my friend and her mother were exactly the same. Don't mistake this for an insult. They were both the same warm, kind, inviting, vibrant, charismatic women that I remember spending countless hours with through my youth. So much has changed in their lives, and in mine, but the things that REALLY count...they were exactly the same. It made me consider my own growth. I feel I have changed so much, even in the last week, let alone 5 years! BUT I hope that in some areas, I will always remain consistent. I hope that the same qualities of good that I possess today, will be the same in 10, 20, 50 years.

  So, why do I read blogs? Because I find comfort in knowing that simplylivingsarah will always be considering the love of her dad, that sarahlookingin will continue to challenge herself with new creative ideas and that ilovethekitchen will find a new spice to add to an old favorite. I even relish in the idea that no matter how much we try to perfect the world, there will always be cakewrecks. I find comfort in knowing that no matter where we are, we strive to be better, different people, while consistently embracing who we are right now.