Girl's Guide to Breakin' Up

Have you ever noticed that after a break up, there are certain things that most every girl does in order to process, cope and move on. Here's a short list of the items that I have found in my experience to be part of my post-relationship emotional guidebook. I would love to hear what's on your list.

*Crying- Regardless of who made the choice to call it off.

*Lack of interest in shaving of legs- What's the point?

*Best Friend re-hash- Must go over every detail with the best friend. EVERY detail. 

*Journaling- Lots of writing to ensue once girlfriends' ears are beginning to ring. 

*New-found affinity for tea and general contemplation- Chai, in my case.

*Empowerment- Songs like "I Will Survive" return to the playlist...and they work.

*Drastic measure- I am skydiving in a week.

*Change in appearance- Usually a haircut. I will see your haircut and raise you new glasses. 

*Time off- Date free for a while.

*Reflection of lessons learned.

*Relationship and Repeat (hopefully not forever).

Song by Rilo Kiley (good, huh?) Video by people with too much time on their hands. Still funny.

Things To Know About My Boo.

For no other reason than because I woke up feeling blessed to have her, I would like to take a moment to tell the world what makes my best friend so great.

1. Inside jokes. There are not many people who would leave me a message that starts with "Hey Hobag" and I would be okay with it. There are also no many who would find humor in the true meaning of Backwoods or why I should avoid alcohol on Christmas.

2. Unconditional support. She will drop anything to talk on the phone or be present for events in my life. The night I moved back from Chicago, she and her husband helped to unload the truck. When I was "evacuated" from Africa, she was at the airport. When my dad and I had a big falling out, I stayed at her house. She rushes over to listen to me vent and cry on a whim.

3. Sometimes I think she's more proud of me than my mom. I hope she knows how proud I am of her too. 

4. Encouragement. She's the first to say "go for it" when I concoct a new, crazy adventure. 

5. Intellectual conversation. We have great talks and I love that we can challenge and bounce ideas about faith, simplicity, morality etc off of one another.

6. Nothing. I love when we do nothing together. We can sit on a couch and watch Best Week Ever or cruise You Tube, never feeling that we should be doing more. 

7. Lack of judgement. I am often unfair, critical and emotional. She never holds it against me, even when I'm way off base.

8. Inappropriate e-greeting cards. Oh man, she's found some crazy ones! They always make me laugh.

9. Her ability to shame Jackie O. Seriously, this chick is always designing, baking, growing or entertaining something. And she does it whilst looking like she just stepped out of Jackie O's closet. 

10. That she will hate EVERY one of the pictures I posted on this blog. It cracks me up. (Don't worry though, Boo. Only 3 people read this blog and you're one of them...sorry about the bra strap. In my defense, you posted that cartwheel crotch shot on Facebook. Not cool.)

I could go on for much longer, but not all of you know Sarah so I'll cut it off here. I'm sure I'm not the only person in the world with an amazing best friend. We all have someone who provides us exactly what we need in a friend. At a certain point, your friends can become more your family than your actual family.  Sarah is my family. The closest thing to a sister I'll ever have. 11 years have passed since we met and I seriously cannot imagine my life without her. Thanks for being my boo, Boo. 

**also, thanks to Ryan. you are wonderful too**

A gun rack? A GUN rack?

Anyone? Anyone? Title of this post comes direct to you from Wayne's World. The whole dialogue being: 

Wayne: "A gun rack? A GUN rack? I don't even own A gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do with a gun rack?!"

Stacy:"You don't like it? Fine. You know, Wayne, if you're not careful, you're gonna lose me."

Wayne: "I lost you two months ago. Are you mental? We broke up! Get the net!"

WATCH IT HERE!

Ahhhh...Wayne's World. That brings back memories. And, no, I didn't have to look that dialogue up. It's one of my stupid human tricks to quote 90's Mike Meyer's movies. I'll save the "Woman Woman Woman" poem of So, I Married an Axe Murderer for another time.

All of his gibberish is leading up to my new experience for the week. Shooting things. Don't get scared though. I just went to the gun range with my dad this evening. It's a new hobby he's picked up since he and my mom got divorced and while gun wielding (or really weapon wielding of any kind) is not really my thing, I suppose a controlled environment is the best place to try it. 

Since the divorce and for the year preceding it, my dad and I have had a rocky relationship. I won't delve into the messy details as I have a counselor for that, but it has been an uphill battle to try and repair our relationship. Thankfully, we've both grown up a bit and can now honestly enjoy one another's company in moderation. 

So, tonight, in an effort to make an effort, I fired a weapon. 

Four Eyes: A Stretch in Symbolism

It's kinda my "thing." I have a way of finding the symbolism in freaking everything. This proved a helpful skill as a camp counselor but these quips more often stay locked in my journal. It could be because I was raised Catholic.  It has become my way of seeing "signs." It could just be one of the many weird things I do. I am struck with the symbolic nature of the mundane at very odd times. Such was the case this morning. As I stood in the shower, nearly blinding myself with shampoo and thinking about the eye exam on today's schedule, I began to contemplate the other meanings found in these ordinary tasks. It could be a stretch, but hold tight.

I am getting over a guy. A good guy. I've heard that in order to have a successful relationship, you must first have the person, place and timing in place. Not that crazy. Person, obviously...well, hopefully (did you see Lars and the Real Girl?). Place could be physical location or place in life. Same could be said of Timing. Without all three, everything else in the relationship will be made more difficult. Or so I've been told by countless magazine and television experts.

What the hell do eyes have to do with it? Good question. I haven't had an eye exam in maybe 4 years. Having broken the glasses that came of that exam, I am currently sporting specs I got in high school. The prescription is really wrong. They fall off my face every time I look down. I actually have to keep them sitting crooked on my head so that they look straight in a mirror. I don't know what's taken me so long in finding a remedy to this. They drive me INSANE! 

This debacle I've allowed to happen to my poor, strained eyes is not unlike the situation I have found myself in in relationships. It's amazing what I'll put myself through sometimes before I buck up and find a better way, obvious as it may be. Those "rose-colored" lenses of love impair the view of red flags. I will move the glasses to keep them looking straight even though the fact that they aren't to begin with...is a problem. 

So as I move on from a relationship, eager for a better one, I am looking forward to the symbolic nature of my eye exam today. I will have a new, clear, slightly less coke-bottle looking outlook on life and love. At least, for today, I will pretend this errand will negate all of my past transgressions, leaving me available for the healthiest relationship EVER! ha.

(crazy photos of me in glasses throughout my life will have to follow later)

An Open Love Letter to My Gaiters

Dear Gaiters,

 I felt it was time to express my gratitude for everything you have done for me. Although it seems like only yesterday, I bought you as a mere outdoor novice years ago. All I knew of you was what had been described on my gear check list before Kilimanjaro. You were a mystery to me and in spite of my doubt in your usefulness, I dove headfirst. 

 Since the day I first put you on my legs, you have provided me protection from the debris I have encountered on the trail of my life. You have kept the bitter snows of winter from soaking my Smartwools and protected my non Gore-tex footwear from unfortunate, uncomfortable sogginess. With every step I take into the great unknown, I am safe in knowing you are offering your warmth. You would never let the underbrush tear my pant leg nor would you allow a renegade crampon to dig into my calf. 

 You are showing your age. Your velcro is separating and your clasps are rusting. But I wouldn't trade you for any new shinier pair. You are my favorite piece of gear and I will incur all ridicule necessary to continue to walk around with you, even when seemingly inappropriate to others. Rain, shine, sleet, snow, glacier, rock...you have never let me down. It's time you knew how I felt about you. I love you. -Me

TSB: It's What's For Dinner

I'm not going to pretend it hasn't been a while. A long while. I have one person in my life who has been on my case about my lack of blogging of late. She just happens to be important enough that I am ending my unintentional sabbatical to write about something so mundane it could be a Seinfeld episode. I'm going to blog about my favorite dinner.

I've never been one for fancy meals. I would much rather buy a plane ticket than eat at an expensive restaurant. I certainly can understand why some people become foodies, it's just never been my thing. Growing up, fine dining meant Taco Bell night. We went to Applebee's for graduations. I could have cared less. Food is food and I couldn't describe one taste over another if my life depended on it. This is probably why my manager at Starbucks was so frustrated with my lack of accurate description of coffee and inability to identify appropriate pairings. I often described the flavor of a given coffee as being "acidic." That's not even a flavor. Quite the digression.

So, while I have many a dear friend who can cook like nobody's business and even have a knack for food photography (you know who you are), I prefer to eat TSB. What is this TSB dinner I keep referring to? In short, it's when I Throw Shit in a Bowl. Clever, right? Tonight afforded me occasion to TSB. In keeping with blog tradition, I will list my directions for making tonight's TSB Dinner:

TSB

Feeds as many as you have ingredients for.

Ingredients: 

3 slices yellow onion

3 slices green pepper

1/4 c. frozen peas

1 Boca Hamburger Patty, zap for 1 minute and crumble as desired

1 c. Whole Wheat Pasta of choice

1/3 c. Ragu Ultra Chunky Pasta Sauce

Mozzarella Cheese to taste

**SUBSTITUTIONS: Whatever you want/currently have and need to use up.

Directions:

* Bring 3 cups water to a rolling boil, add pasta until thoroughly (enough) cooked

* Drain pasta and place into bowl of generous depth

* Add desired vegetables, boca meat and sauce. Make sure frozen peas are near the top to ensure proper thawing.

* Zap for two minutes, add cheese and give hearty stir.

**NOTE: If sauce is new jar from the pantry, adjust cook time as it will not take as long to heat as partially-used jar from the fridge**

* ENJOY!!

I'd show you a picture but I doubt you'd find it appealing. Instead, here's one of me eating a similar meal in Africa.