Life Is Good

Just thinking today that there are few things greater or few feelings more fulfilling than that of being in community.

It is SUCH an honor to meet and genuinely get to know new people.

I think about this a lot.

Perhaps because I'm the new girl in this town and I have been blessed beyond measure to have been welcomed with open arms by so many.

It truly is what I love about life. Relationship is all that matters. In the end, all we take with us is our relationships with one another and our relationship to God (provided you believe).

That's it.

So, what a privilege to be given access to the hearts of others.

What an honor to have them interested in knowing mine.

Life is good today.

Bah Humbug!

Our traditional, all-family Christmas Eve festivities have been cancelled due to weather. This is the first time in our history this has happened. Weather, SCHMEATHER! I'm ticked.

Of course I want everyone safe on the roads.

Of course I don't want to put anyone in jeopardy.

But I'm bummed not to see all 40+ in my extended family. More this year than ever because I now live in another state...and won't get to see them all again for another year.

I'll get over it but for this minute, I'm wearing my cranky pants.

Merry Christmas

(100,000) Miles of Echo

My car turned 100,000 on Sunday! In fact, it blew right through it and now sits at 100,250 and going strong. There are few things I get as much pleasure out of than watch the odometer turn milestones, something I blame completely on my dad. In honor of this latest one, I thought it would be fun to recount some of the memories I've had with my little Roller Skate over the last 5 years.

I purchased it in Sept '05 in Omaha. My friend, Annalea, flew to Omaha to road trip it back to Chicago with me. This was an appropriate way to christen the vehicle as it has become my little road trip warrior, effortlessly cruising the interstates of America at 40+ mpg, her fuel efficiency has enabled a generally low-earner to travel the country in affordable, reliable fashion.

Within a month, she was broken into. This was the year I had a car broken into 4 times. It became quite a joke with my roommate at the time in Chicago as the perpetrators somehow managed to ONLY steal crap. I had a broken cd player, a box of goodwill donations, a shovel, a scraper and my FLOOR MATS stolen that year. It wasn't until the Echo got back to Omaha that something of value was taken (my new stereo). that's what you get for trusting the suburbs.

Chicago, Omaha, Chicago, Chicago, Omaha, Des Moines, Omaha, Chicago, Denver, Minneapolis, Chicago, Omaha, Kansas City, Kansas City, Omaha, Chicago, Kansas City, Sioux City. Apparently, I need to get out of the midwest. I claimed near duel-residency between Omaha and Chicago for 6 years and the 7.5 hour commute became a breeze. Tanks to the fuel efficiency stated above and a lot of bladder training, I became the master of turning that drive into a one-stop only trip!

I dated long-distance for the better part of a year and the roller skate took me back and forth to my Kansas City fella. We would meet in Craig, MO (it really doesn't get more exciting), take trips to rock climb in Arkansas and Missouri and camp out illegally in the park (shh). Many of these adventures were made possible thanks to the Echo. In fact, I doubt the relationship would've lasted as long if I would've had to pay more to get back and forth to him.

My ride has ONE hubcap as the rest have all rolled off the wheels at different points. I guess they didn't fit right. It is also missing a side mirror as a *friendly* neighbor decided it needed a bat to it. My mechanic tried to reattach it with electrical tape because I was too cheap to have it actually fixed. A day later, I watched it slowly fall down toward the side of the car before plummeting to it's demise in the middle of traffic. I am still too cheap to replace it.

Bracco came home in this car! One of the greatest gifts I've been given is my pup. But you all know that already! He loves car rides...he attacks animal statues and oncoming traffic from the car. I now laugh a lot harder, more often on road trips when he's in his back seat. He has, in his protective behavior, managed to scratch up my dash board, leave a think blanket of hair on the back seat and a LOT of nose prints on the windows.

Most recently, my car managed to take on all of my earthly possessions and bring me out to Colorado. Here we're trudging through deep snow, muddy gravel roads and dodging flying rocks on the pass. Her windshield is cracked in FOUR(!!) places and, despite fancy new snow tires, is still sans hubcaps. My car has taken me into new towns and discovered hiking trails. Her plates are now green, rather than blue.

A lot of miles (although still surprisingly lower than the national average...i bought it at 48k), a lot of memories. I plan to drive her into the ground. Perhaps this summer we'll see Utah, Wyoming or Montana. Tomorrow we drive BACK to Omaha for Christmas. While there are days I dream about owning a sweet vintage truck with a topper (although my eco-conscience would never allow for it), I love my little roller skate.

Top Ten Concerts

Recently I was involved in an email exchange on the topic of "Best Concerts Seen." The friend I was exchanging with sent his list to me as a Top Ten (in order to cut it off somewhere) and I replied with mine.
I am a music lover. It sounds kind of weird to say that because I don't know many people who don't love music...but I REALLY love music. I love it live, in the car, in the shower, and even on occasion, lying on the floor in the dark (yeah, i know). It's always exciting when I find people who share my appreciation for great tunes and/or have similar taste. There have, honestly, not been too many of these people in my life. It is pretty common to think I have discovered the END ALL, BE ALL of current artists only to discover I am alone in my affection for them.

So, I charge you with the question: What is the BEST live show you've seen and why?

Here is my (veeerrry abridged version) list of the top ten I've seen....

1. Sigur Ros: A band from Iceland, I was introduced to them by a friend in Chicago, who I'll mention in number two. The night of this concert, Omaha was under a tornado warning and I was in the basement, not checking the weather, but the status of the concert. My friend, Rachel picked me up in a torrential downpour and we took the chance. We were in luck! Game On! To me, Sigur Ros is the epitome of God's music. It is the soundtrack I believe He would pick to life. In that they are Icelandic, I can't understand a word, which in turn, demonstrates the true power in their music. It is the soundtrack to a sunrise, what you would feel standing atop a mountain and the sound of wind blowing through a valley. Seeing them live was very emotional. There's nothing pretentious about their shows, no pomp and circumstance. Just music.

2. Sigur Ros again: One of the few friends I truly share my appreciation for music with is Paul. I've known him for a decade and he may be the only other person I've met who understands why some music MUST be listened to in the dark, preferably lying on the floor. I flew back to Chicago for ONE night...to see Sigur Ros with Paul. Sixth row, center, Chicago Theater with the only other person who gets Sigur Ros the way I do.

3. John Mayer: I know, I know. The first time I saw him, before he was anything big, was an outdoor concert at City Market (not the grocery store but the town square) in Kansas City. I came by way of road trip with friends on a hot and muggy August evening. Guster opened, which left me with no complaints. Now, say what you will about John, but that man plays a mean guitar. He also manages to write songs that frequently resonate with seasons of my life. "Today I finally overcame trying to fit the world inside a picture frame." I saw him two other times, in large indoor arenas...neither matched that first experience.

4. Rilo Kiley: You may remember Jenny Lewis from the Nickelodeon show "Salute Your Shorts." Well, she's grown into an edgy, soulful singer who plays solo, as part of Rilo Kiley, with the Watson Twins and as one half of the one album electronic wonder that was the Postal Service. I saw her as Rilo Kiley at an incredible venue in Omaha, called the Slowdown. Slowdown was started by the founders of Saddle Creek Records, an Omaha label. It's intimate, has phenomenal acoustics and has my favorite local beer on tap. She was great!

5. Whoever that band was at Tour de Fat last year: This is going to hit on two of the greatest things about live music: dancing and a killer horn section. I have NO IDEA who they were but they played that incredible New Orleans/Cajun jazz and the dancing, OH the dancing!! Barefoot in the grass for hours on end with a thousand of your closest friends in costume. And, of course, the New Belgium beer a-flowing. There are few times I've had that much fun at a concert.

6. Barenaked Ladies: I saw them as part of a 3 concerts/3 cities/3 days tour with a friend. I had won tickets on the radio and we drove to Sioux City, IA to see them. While I might be tempted to scream if I hear the Million Dollar song again, I'd be remiss not to mention their live performance. Even if it was a little prop heavy for my liking. And- it was free. You can't argue with free.

7. David Gray: Again, the Chicago Theater allowed for an intimate performance.Mr. Gray is just one of those performers who women swoon over and men want to be. Hearing David Gray sing live is like having Morgan Freeman read you a bedtime story.

8. Simon and Garfunkel: I grew up listening to S&G, along with Cat Stevens, Gordon Lightfoot, James Taylor, Neil Diamond etc. One year, as a combined Father's Day/Birthday gift to my dad, I took him to see S&G in Omaha. They were wonderful, although there was something off-putting about seeing them in an indoor arena called the Qwest Center. What was really special about that concert was going with my dad and enjoying the music together. It was a special night to spend with him.

9. Xavier Rudd: And thus will commence the "Aussie Breakup" portion of my list. A one-man band, Xavier plays the drums, didgeridoo, guitar etc etc with incredible passion. He's a true hippie who's lyrics ofter center around our relationship to each other as much as to the environment. I first saw him the night of a breakup...yep, we broke up AT the concert (it was a mutual breakup but breakups are always sad and I'm emotional). I cried the whole time. I cried and danced.

10. Missy Higgins: She really just made me angry. I find it completely unfair that women that small can have voices that big. In all honesty, what hits me most about Missy is not necessarily her sound (I swear one of her songs might have been a Noxema commercial), but the time it hit me. Again, after a breakup...YIKES, this is an interesting trend...I felt she sang love and loss beautifully. And in a venue like Slowdown, it was very personal for that season.

6 Little Babies, 1 Giant Blessing

The thought of meeting people on the internet is ominous. I've heard countless horror stories (mostly from the fear-mongering media) about how that "friend" you meet might be a serial killer or a con artist. In my experience, however, I've NEVER met anyone crazy online despite my best efforts. On the contrary, I've only ever met incredible people online...real people.

Example: I was short on cash after college and found someone on craigslist to Ride Share to Chicago. Me, a young, single post-grad, I thought my mom was going to kill me. I picked him up in Des Moines, IA and by the time we got to Chicago, we were great friends, jokingly referring to ourselves as "Harry" and "Sally." To this day, we keep in touch.

I know quite a few people who've met great boyfriends/girlfriends/fiancees online...although I still can't fully give in to it.

In the last 3 years, I've had a pretty great run finding employers online. Not necessarily my full-time gigs but my side jobs. I have found three INCREDIBLE families to do some occasional babysitting for. Having recently just found the third in my run, I've been reflecting on my shear luck in meeting some of the coolest kids/parents out there.

The first, right after I moved back to Omaha, was a military family. Dad traveled a lot and mom just needed some "sanity" time. Thanks to our mutually flexible schedules, I watched their very sweet one-year-old for a little over a year. They included me in birthday parties and genuinely cared about me as much as I did them. I was SO bummed when they moved to PA but it led me back to craigslist and to...

The TRIPLETS! Two girls and a boy, these three were attached to mom's hip and never left one another's side. When they cried, they all cried...thankfully, it was more amusing than frustrating as they got on their hands and knees and rocked back and forth, completely synchronized. They loved to giggle and play outside (woohoo!). It was always so nice when mom came home...so we could have a glass of wine. On several occasions, I stayed longer talking with mom and dad than I had actually been watching their children. This time, I moved. Again, looking for just enough extra income to cover my "fun money," I went back online, where I found...

the social ski bums! They found themselves renting a home in Winter Park in order to "get a life." Dad, the hard-working professional and mom, the hard-working stay-at-home mom, they needed a place to run away to find freedom and fun. They loved my interest in staying active with their children and I loved their laid-back, trusting attitude toward me. The first afternoon I babysat, they came home and offered me a glass of wine. 3 bottles and 8 hours later, I finally left, completely in love with them (and for those of you who know me...it wasn't just because of the alcohol)! They are generous beyond belief and last night, for Thanksgiving, treated me to a lavish dinner at the Lodge at Sun Spot (at the top of Winter Park resort). Before I left, dad said "Jessie, you're family so I hope you know we expect you to spend holidays with us if you're not at home." You have no idea how nice this was to hear. They are the beginning of my Winter Park community (well, outside of my place of employment) and you know, I already consider them to be my family too.

I have been so blessed to find such wonderful people! Families who allow me into their lives, include me in making family decisions, confide in me and with whom I will gladly do the same. Last night, on Thanksgiving, I was reminded of how fortunate I've been in this area of my life and how randomly our blessings find their way to us. Even through the ominous internet.

I'd post pics, but I kinda have a thing about positing pics of other people's kids online...the internet's scary, you know! :)

Trust

Why is it so difficult NOT to trust? How do I continue to trust despite being burned? I wonder how many opportunities for trust will I allow in my life before walking away from a person...a place? I will trust my climbing harness with my life but if I were to fall out of it, I can guarantee I would never put it on again. And yet, I often allow repeated hurt and sorrow into my life, despite frequent disappointment and I am frustrated that I continue to trust. Particularly with repeat offenders. I am allowing all kinds of toxicity into my life.

Yesterday was a highly disappointing day. I felt attacked from every direction. I spent the night awake and frustrated.

I felt taken advantage of by a coworker

...misled used and disregarded by a friend

...disappointed in a family member

I felt like a fool, a complete idiot for trusting.

I recognize this is a complete "Debbie Downer" post and in the end, despite all of my complaining, I know I will inevitably trust all of these people again. I know I shouldn't and I will. Unsure why, I will continue to rely on people who prove to be unreliable. I'm wondering when I will learn my lesson, knowing that...

perhaps the real issue is that I don't trust....myself.

You Gotta Serve Somebody

"Well, it may be the devil or it may be the Lord

But you're gonna have to serve somebody."

Cruising through my Ipod in the car yesterday, this song by Bob Dylan came on and I've spent a fair amount of time thinking about it's lyrics since. It's not a complicated song. In fact, it mostly lists off various occupations and the choice of anyone in those positions to serve. State trooper, construction worker, rock n roll addict etc. I guess it's the simplicity of the song that catches my attention, even if it does get a little repetitive at times. It's so easy to think of my life as being pretty wholesome, that I'm a "good girl" and don't do a lot that hurts people. This song reminds me that I'm wrong.

Every day is a series of choices.

Every conversation, every action and interaction is a statement.

Who do I serve?

Last week I had the privilege to sit in on a meeting of coworkers. This group's goal is to make our staff feel loved, respected and valued. They write thank you notes and bake cookies, all of which are delivered anonymously. Every year, they plan a Thanksgiving Dinner and Christmas Party for our seasonal and international staff, who don't get to go home for the holidays.

The staff Thanksgiving Dinner was held last night and 80 people came out to celebrate together. My co-worker, Marie, and I volunteered to be on dish duty. Selfishly, it was because they had previously been planning on using disposable dishes and, as a member of the Green Team, was bummed out about it. I told them if they used REAL plates, I'd wash them. :) What I found was that busing tables for those I work with was SO fun. I was able to interact, even if just for a moment, with every single attendee. I was able to smile and happily take their dirty plates as their Tryptophan comas set in. I cleared the plates of my boss and of the kids who clean my office (to clarify, they're not actual kids, they're 20). It was incredible and people were surprised that we had volunteered to do the dirty work.

It was an incredibly meaningful experience for me. So meaningful, in fact, that I am starting today with a renewed attitude of service. I am walking out to work, wondering what I can do for others today. Cognizant of the choices I will make in service.

It may be the devil or it may be the Lord but you're gonna have to serve somebody.

Bored

There are three seasons here in the mountains of Colorado: Summer, Winter and Mud Season. Sometimes called "shoulder season," this is the time when most full-time residents run for the beaches of Mexico. Waitresses in high class restaurants can leave at he end of a day having only served one table. This is the time when the money in my pocket and how I spend it directly affects another's quality of life.

Not that I have much to compare it to but this year, it seems Mud Season refuses to end. There was a glimmer of hope a few weeks back when we were blessed to receive 13" of powder in 24 hours. It didn't take long though for the sun to decide it wasn't ready to hide away just yet and we've now had 2 weeks straight of 50-60 degree temperatures.

A big part of my decision to move here was the opportunity to grow in my knowledge and passion for the outdoors. I've had some great hikes and really have been able to do some quality exploration. Not too mention that the fair weather has made driving, moving and exercising my dog a much more comfortable experience. But ENOUGH ALREADY!

Nature, I am READY. I'm ready to cross-country and downhill ski, ice climb, snowshoe and skijor. I'm ready for my dog to learn to pull a sled and for the energy of tourism to hit this town. This is a ski town that's ready for our ski boom. Winter Park Resort opening day is less than a week away.

So, enough with fall.

BRING ON THE WINTER!

I have an unhealthy obsession...with my dog

The first step is admitting you have a problem

It's not uncommon for me to refer to my daily events as things "we" did. This causes some confusion with others in my story telling. I have been asked on many occassions who "we" includes. My answer is most always the same: "Oh, that's me and Bracco."

I adopted him a mere 5 months ago and we're attached at the hip. He has playdates with other dogs. He has trashed my car with his long hair and muddy feet. All windows are covered in prints from his big crayon nose. He is hazardous to my driving when he barks at elk and tries to attack (yep, you heard me) EVERY car that passes in the opposite direction (this actually makes me laugh so hard I cry).

Many people my age have spouses and kids or highly demanding careers to occupy their thoughts. I have my boy, Bracco.

I spoil him rotten.

Now that I think about it, I doubt I will ever find a guy who goes to the lengths B does to "save" me from chipmunks (and squirrels and horses and foxes and deer) or have a child that will eat a bumble bee in defense of my honor.

I like to think that he is happy with me. He had kids with his other family and I bet he misses playing with them. In my personification of him though, he's happier overall on the hiking trails and road trips with me.

Boy, do I EVER love my happy, floppy, hairy, protective mutt!

Can you blame me??

Wah Wah Waaaaaahhhh

My first attempt at high altitude baking...kind of a flop.

What I thought would be the most basic place to start, the chocolate chip cookie, has come out flat and tasting kind of caramel-flavored. They are crispy on the bottom but a bit too chewy on the top. I swear I followed the instructions on the back of the tollhouse bag (yep, I'm a back of the bag recipe gal) exactly as written. This leads me to think that either:

A) The high-altitude stuff will take some getting used to

B) The oven in my new apartment is somehow broken, showing favoritism to only cookie bottoms

C) I went too far in adding a small amount of oatmeal (so maybe I didn't follow directions exactly)

D) Something was amiss with one or some of my ingredients. Anyone out there used Lucerne butter?

E) The education system has failed me and I can't read

The great thing about cookies, however, is that it doesn't REALLY matter their texture. As long as there's an ample amount of chocolate, they will be consumed.

At any rate, I work at a camp. There are many here who I'm sure I could convince to eat one of my less-that-stellar cookies.

Adventures in a New Town: Finding a Church

As you may have been able to tell, I had a few "pity me" days last week. Can you blame me? I mean how can one grow up in a pretty cool town, surrounded by encouraging, wonderful people and NOT miss it upon departure? There are a lot of things that make living in a new place difficult. Many of them are small, insignificant details like figuring out where to register my car or where to get the best deal on peanut butter. A few of them are more important though and require a bit more work.

After three weeks of just resting in my new place, I decided it was time to make a greater effort in finding a church. Although one may not recognize it from the last few years of my life, I do think having a church is important. I have always found comfort in being part of and giving back to that type of community. And now, after hitting the "Start Over" button on the game of my life, I am seeking community anywhere I can find it, hardly patient enough to allow time for cultivation.

When I was in college, each year was designated a theme by administration. The theme would be discussed in freshman orientation classes and would provide the basis for conversation in small groups, chapel services and class lecture. I don't remember many of these theme questions but I do remember the year of "What is community?" I'm going to worry about unpacking this question at a later date but here's what I've learned about MY community as it relates to church.

Stepping in to Winter Park Christian Church seemed safe enough. I had pretty much just Googled Grand County churches and picked the one that seemed safest. I mean if a church's only denominational proclamation is "christian," I figured I could handle it. I was greeted warmly by the pastor and several others in the small Saturday night congregation. The music was acoustic, subtle and honestly, a nice change from many of the more "rock-n-roll" sounding services I've been to. Then.....the pastor spoke......

The sermon was allegedly on Psalm 127 but really had NOTHING to do with what was written on the page of the Bible. In the first ten minutes, this pastor managed to sit in and vocalize severe judgement of those who are homosexual, divorced and those who co-habitate before marriage. I am none of these things and I wanted to walk out then and there. I was so furious that this man could turn a section of the Bible into his political platform...and that people were listening to it! And I couldn't help but wonder how this could possibly be the second largest church in this transient, ski bum, alcohol-obsessed community. I wish I was kidding when I tell you this guy actually used the "Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve" line. ARRGGGGH! All I could think about was all of the people who I know who would hear a message like this and IMMEDIATELY, WITHOUT HESITATION, walk away, taking it as the Christian opinion.

Now, let me just say that I am not one to debate the teachings of any religious text. It may seem safe, but I plead ignorance respect and love above all doctrine and scriptural detail. To me being in any community is just loving people, not judging people. I managed to sit (quietly, although there were points I wanted to stand up and challenge him) through the end of the service. By the end of the evening, the pastor had made one or two redeeming statements and I had quite a nice conversation with one woman. A Nebraskan...go figure! I may go back again as I don't feel entirely comfortable judging this (or any) church based on one message but let me tell you, I will not be walking in objectively. I left that service wracked with guilt over things I've never done and I HATE when I feel like I could never take a friend to a church. A church should be THE most welcoming place in any community, not the most condemning. To be honest, I was disheartened to think that all of the churches out here would be like this. That I'd never find a place that preached love above all else.

Then, this morning, I went to the small chapel on the YMCA campus where my friend, Steve, is the chaplain. There were maybe 15 people in attendance and most of them were seasonal staff members but let me tell you, there was more love and community building happening in that one room chapel! Steve's message was all about loving EVERYONE and challenging us, as Christians, to show love at all costs, not sit in judgment. Ahhhhhh, sweet relief!

I will probably continue to check out other churches in the area, but I have a feeling I will end up back here at the Y where I started. Anyone, preacher or otherwise, who can challenge and inspire me to be a better person, to call me to the action of giving, serving and loving, is someone who I want to have in my life. Those are people I want to have in MY community.

In writing this, I realize that there may be some that have strong opinions about what I've said here. I hope you'll realize that this blog is just a partial glimpse of how I feel about one aspect of one thing and that this is my forum for processing.

Real Chick's Hike

..because real chick's hike and hiking is for REAL chicks...

Today is the first time since I moved (ahem, not that long ago) that I am missing Omaha. Maybe it's because I've been here long enough now that I'm realizing this is more than a vacation. Perhaps it's because all of my former co-workers just got to spend the last four days being their incredible selves together at a manager's meeting...without me. Or it could just be the longing to fit in here the way I felt I did back home, with my people, in my job, in my town. Life's curve balls always seem to come just as you find your stride. Some might say, just as complacency hits.

Tonight though, more than anything, I am thinking about Real Chicks.

Two and a half years ago, I started a women's hiking group in Omaha, the Real Chick's Hike. The first hike was comprised of five women, three of which I was related to. Having been the only woman on many an outdoor adventure and having heard countless females torn between their fears, finances and obligations and their desire to spend time outside, I had a vision for this group. We hiked once a month, always the third Saturday, and it was to be accessible to ANY woman who wanted to be there and the group would be there to empower ANY woman to get outside. Before long our group of 5 became a consistent 12, then 20, then almost 30 hikers a month. My email interest list grew to over 250. It became almost a movement in Omaha. Women responded to this idea in a way I had dreamed about but never actually considered a reality.

Two and a half weeks ago, I had to say goodbye to this amazing group of women. As we celebrated our time together on the trail and over a few (errr) glasses of wine, laughing and talking and genuinely connecting with one another, I realized that these women, this group, would be the thing I would miss most in Omaha. (Disclaimer: family and best friends are always present in one another's journey so I try not to think about them as being "gone") I learned more about myself in being around this strong, diverse group of women than I ever could have imagined. And they saw more in me as their leader and friend than I ever would have discovered on my own. At some point, Real Chick's stopped being mine and became theirs. They had ownership in it, loyalty to it and strength in each other. It was/is it's own entity and community, with or without me.

On my last hike, which was also my last official day in Omaha, they surprised me with personal and thoughtful gifts. I showed up to hike and they presented me with a "Property of the Omaha Police Department" t-shirt (I have many cop hikers...they're very protective) and an apron (another story on why it was an apron) that they had had embroidered with the Real Chick's logo and that each person present had signed messages onto. It is probably one of the most meaningful gifts I've ever received.

This group and these women have changed my life. I am a better person for having spent time on the muddy, icy, rocky trails with them. For getting up early, even after late nights, and sloughing through deep snow, bugs, rain and countless sunny mornings. For listening to their life stories and telling them mine. For teaching them gear and allowing them to teach me...well, a million things. I have met their families and they showed up to my going away party. I would go so far to say that they ARE my family. And now that I am starting (or trying to) a new life in a new town, feeling a bit lost and out of place, those written words of encouragement speak to me daily. They remind me that I am capable of doing amazing things if I am patient enough to let them be developed.

There aren't enough words to thank each of them for being part of my life but for those Real Chicks who find themselves reading this,

THANK YOU!

Needless to say, I will be making a point to always come back to Omaha on the third Saturday of a month and in the mean time, every glass of wine I drink will be in toast to Omaha's REAL CHICKS!

In Paradise Sans Camera

In October 2006, I reached the summit of Mt. Kilimanjaro in Tanzania. It took seven days of trekking though rain, dirt and dust, while dealing with weather conditions ranging from warm and humid to frigid and windy. Upon reaching the top, I pulled my camera from my pack, ready to take as many pictures as my brick-sized digital camera would allow. It was only after a half an hour on the Roof of Africa that I realized my shutter wasn't opening, seemingly clogged with a week's worth of blowing debris.

Flash forward to October 2009 (well, aaaaalmost October). The shutter on my camera hasn't worked properly for the last three years but it, for all intents and purposes, still did it's job. Not trying to be the typical American consumer, I dealt with it's dysfunction in a hippie-esque (totally a word) statement of sorts. Last week, it finally gave out on me. For GOOD.

While I am happy to finally have a reason to bite the bullet and make a fun techie purchase, the timing of my digital demise is terrible!

I JUST MOVED TO COLORADO!! In the last four days, I have been reunited with a very excited and snuggly dog, driven through Rocky Mountain National Park, over Trail Ridge Road (which, by the way, if you've never done it, DO IT!) to Estes Park. Yesterday in Estes, we saw our first snow. Actually, it was a storm that started with fog, moved into lightning with hail and THEN became snow showers. In addition, the elk are in their fall rut and the bulls are bugling, which I have been fortunate enough to watch from the wrap-around porch of my three bedroom cabin that overlooks Estes! There are winter fire rings. There are Adirondack chairs. There are blue birds that have indescribably bold plumage. There's been great humor in watching my dog very seriously and audibly trying to take on a road-blocking elk from the comfort of the car. There are no words to describe the things I've seen in these few days in the mountains. At least, no words that I can find.

And here I am, with no camera to capture any of it.

I think I've blogged about cameras before. The beauty in NOT having one, in being able to focus attention on being PRESENT in the moment, not trying to capture it. Just enjoy it. And here I am. I seem to be whining about the absence of the pocket-sized digital box. But I'm not. I swear. In fact, this week has caused me to reflect on something entirely different.

A world without pictures.

Today, I am thinking about those who used their words to paint pictures. The writers who in one media or another, be it book, letter or song, have been able to articulate the beauty of a mountain winter. The wonder, the awe, the hardship that some have (many HAD) the ability to convey using only a pen and paper. So, tonight, nestled with my dog in front of a crackling stone fireplace, I am considering you. You the poet, the lyricist. You the novelist and great scribe.

You, who came before the camera and You, the lost.

CH-CH-CH-CHanges

I was recently reminded of this blog's existence (thanks, Matt) and about the therapeutic aspects of writing in any form. So, it is with that in mind, that I return, attempting to be as vulnerable as ever. Yep, even in a public forum.

It has been almost exactly four months since my last post. At that time, I found myself reveling in the beauty of Colorado and struggling to find balance with technology, relationship and nature. So much has changed in these past four months...and so much has stayed the same. The internal struggles of becoming a better person, following dreams and ambitions and the battle for maintaining a sense of self in a culture of chaos live on in my daily life. I imagine they always will. However, the day to day circumstances in which I contemplate these things have just changed dramatically.

My last blog entry was written in the place I will be calling home in a few short days. I was offered a position in Granby, Colorado, which I snatched up immediately. In true form, I actually accepted the job without having even heard what the salary would be. Talk about a leap of faith! (In actuality, I am just not traditionally a very detail-oriented person...even with the occasional BIG detail) This is by far one of, if not the greatest risk I've taken in my life. I have one friend in the small town I'll be residing in. She is incredible and life-giving, but I'm having to trust that a support system will fall into place quickly, before I become either a shut-in or one of those crazy mountain people ...you know the ones.

While I am beyond excited about my new adventure, I am more or less a giant spaghetti bowl of emotions. It is hard to think about leaving the life I have built for myself here in Omaha. I have made wonderful friends, been able to deepen my long-standing relationships and be a presence in both my immediate and extended family. While thinking about this can be overwhelming, I know it is an internal struggle I must have in order to become the better person I was created to be, to make a difference elsewhere. For as often as I claim to be an "adventurer," it is an important reminder that really, all serious daring starts from within.

So, with that...LOOK OUT GRANBY!

Letting Go Of Technology...Really??

 I write to you tonight from the great state of Colorado. I'm in Granby (about 80 miles NW of Denver) getting my Wilderness First Responder Certification. This is day one. There are 30 people in my class, all but 2 under 30. 15 of us are currently crowded into the one room at a large and beautiful, secluded camp. You may be asking yourself why.

"They must be getting to know one another". "They must be playing cards or hearing about backcountry horror stories". I wish that were true. Let it be known that the 15 of us are "plugged in." We sit here, almost in the silence of a college library, each of us with our eyes glued to a screen and our fingers tip-tapping on keyboards. While I really have no room to talk as I am one of them, I am saddened by this. Is it really necessary for all of us to spend these fleeting moments we are allowed to leave behind our jobs, responsibilities, home problems etc to come to the mountains...and check FACEBOOK?! Is this how my generation will be remembered? The generation that couldn't let go of technology, even for vacation? 

I am hopeful that this will change as the days go by. This is, after all, day one and most of us, spending 8-5 in class every day, didn't consider that we'd have our evenings free. I know that I would have packed more gear (bike, climbing gear, even snowshoes to take into the National Park) had I known that I'd have so many hours to devote to the wilderness. 

My task for this next week and a half is not to encourage all of these people to unplug. Rather to spend the rest of my time on my computer tonight researching local adventures. I will then attempt to invite some of these like-minded outdoorsy individuals to leave the Macs and PCs and go TAKE A HIKE!

JibberJabber

Seems there's so much to catch up on! First, I guess I should mention that my plan toward impeccable fitness was thwarted by a box at work. I stubbed my pinkie toe badly enough to self-diagnose it as sprained. It doubled in size and changed to it's opposite color on the color wheel. I tried to give it a day off from walking only to stub it AGAIN on Thursday! So, needless to say, this liger made it a paltry 12.4 miles. Guess I'll try again next week (and stop wearing sandals to work).

Otherwise, the big news of my life is that my brother is back! Last night a hefty crowd gathered at a local bar to celebrate his return. What was especially great that my best friend and her husband came out to celebrate him and support me as well. Man, they're awesome. Is there a way to formally adopt other adults? A co-worker of mine and his wife came out too, which was greatly entertaining. Ben and his fiancee, Alissa, Andy (the other adopted sibling) and I stayed up until 4:30 in the morning catching up, having drinks, practicing yoga etc. You know, the usual shenanigans. I have no idea the last time I was up that late. It was fantastic.

Wish there was more to offer up. It has been a pretty full week/weekend and I know this coming week will be the same as I try to balance work, friends/family and preparing for a ten day Colorado trip that I leave for on Sunday. I've been almost embarrassed by my lack of deep thinking lately. That's not like me. I guess my mind just needed a breather.

Eye of the Liger

This week's challenge: log as many miles on my legs as possible in the next 7 days.

There's only two rules in this challenge

1. All miles need to be logged by hiking, biking, running, walking or participating in any other activity that doesn't require a motor.

2. Beat the number of miles logged the last time I did this challenge. I believe it was 36.

I'll check in with you at the end of the week and let you know how it went.

Does that make you crazzzzzay?

Friends bring out different sides of you. We all have our "normal" friendships. Those who we meet for coffee and talk about the ongoing events of life. Maybe we catch movies or drinks or just do nothing at all. I love these friends. They are my rock. 

Then....

there are the friends who are an adventure waiting to happen. People whose energy and enthusiasm for life is contagious. These people can convince you to jump into a lake in the middle of winter. Not one type is better than the other as we need all different types of people in our lives. We all need to be reminded of both our stability and our insanity.

I have this friend, Katie, who bursts with life. She is creative, funny, intelligent and CRAZY! I don't get to enjoy her company often anymore as she lives in Kansas City, but when we get together I am reminded of what it means to truly be a free spirit. 

This weekend she drove north and I south, along with a few other friends for a girls overnight. It didn't take but an hour for her to rope us into her infectious world of random entertainment as the four of us walked to her car for a late night round of hula hooping. Yep, adult-sized, multi-colored hula hoops. Katie is a FANTASTIC hooper and can perform some pretty awesome tricks. The rest of us looked like an awkward junior high dance team swiveling our hips in big circles. Be assured, there was plenty of wine and laughter involved which made us a bit nervous as we were approached in the parking lot by a police car. 

  The car stopped and two officers stepped out from the vehicle. Sure that we were getting busted for loitering or noise, we stopped our hooping and greeted the officers. Imagine our surprise when, instead of being reprimanded, we were greeted with an outstretched hand and a "Hi. I'm officer so-and-so. Mind if we give it a try?" For ten minutes, we hooped and laughed and joked with two police officers in a hotel parking lot! They wore their guns and all (needless to say they were less that stellar hoopers). We got honorary badge stickers prior to their departure but, alas, no photos. 

Another hysterical adventure courtesy of Katie! I love you, girl!

Debriefing (my version of) Spring Break

  Well, once it actually got going, my Chicago trip went off without a hitch. I had a wonderful time reconnecting with old friends. In fact, I had such a great time, not once did it occur to me to take a photo. Even though my camera sat in the bottom of my purse the whole weekend! Several of you won't be surprised by this. It's honestly not that I don't want to have pictures, it's just laziness I guess. Here's the run down of the weekend:

Get in on Thursday night. It was the greatest feeling to walk up to the house I have spent so many days/nights in to an unlocked door and a big "Welcome Home" upon entry. Late, but just enough time to sit and rehash the latest life news with Paul. 

Friday was roommate reunion day. The guys had to work so my dear former rommie, Mindi, and I set out about Lincoln Square. Pedicures and delicious brunch at Cafe Selmarie. Mindi and I spent two years living together before I moved back to Omaha. We had our ups and downs but I have never once regretted a second of it (maybe that one thing I said that one time) because living with her taught me volumes about love and communication. We used to have our roommate rituals and man, do I miss them! On Saturdays, for example, we would wake up, walk or drive up to Starbucks for coffee, then walk next door to Panera to get bagels (toasted, with butter, to go...under $1!!) before heading home with a Chicago Tribune to read together in the living room. It was great time spent together then as it was this weekend and we reveled in "girly" stuff. This was followed by a chili dinner with Paul and Andy and a FREE trip to the Davis for a showing of I Love You, Man (a good laugh).

Saturday was another awesome day. Andy and I trekked out to Northbrook for the REI garage sale, both with dividends in hand. Andy found some good stuff. I find it hard to a) pay full retail for gear I get crazy cheap through work b) fight other people for gear I get crazy cheap through work. We had planned to hit the new downtown REI as well, but with an hour to burn we made an impromptu stop at a dive diner I love in Lincoln Park for Omelettes. Then on to REI #2, where we both made some purchases and spent a LOT of time talking gear. There are not many in the world that will talk gear with me. I loved spending a solid morning doing nothing but just that. Later, Paul and I spent a few hours working in the garden (one of my favorite things to do in Chicago is work in Paul's yard). If any of you identify your love language as quality time, you will understand that while we spent little time talking to one another, working on the yard project was an awesome time spent with an incredible person. Had the evening to myself, reading my book on the dust bowl (history buffs...The Worst Hard Time) before Andy joined me for dinner and a movie. Side note: We watched Weird Science and I think I can safely say we were both shocked at it's stupidity and subject matter (it's basically a teen movie about statutory rape?!?). One of those that you remember being AWESOME as a kid and now....ick.

Finally, Easter arrived! He is risen, indeed! Rich, Paul and I head out to a church service that we needed TICKETS to get into. That's all I'll say about that. We had nice conversation on the drive to/from and I was struck with appreciation for the chance to sit in a car with two men who were crucial to my spiritual development as a college student. Great mentors! Paul and I then feasted on a glorious holiday meal of....wait for it....Taco Bell. Yep, high class people. Naps on the couch to baseball...fantastic. Spent dinner with the kids I used to nanny for, who are all twice the size I remember, with three times the personality! Puzzle time. The guys and I worked a puzzle of Chicago for a few hours before bed. Quite the day!

Last day. Sigh. Andy called in sick to attempt a bike ride. RAINED OUT! Breakfast with one of my best friends, Polly, who I haven't seen since her wedding almost a year ago. Back to the house for the annual Paul/Jessie (we like to refer to ourselves as DiddyBird...long story) music exchange. Cds were flinging around left and right. I love that we do this because it means I always have new music to drive home to. 

The word of the weekend was EPIC. It started as a joke, but quickly became the theme. Some may be surprised by this as my so-called "epic" weekend included words like gardening and puzzles. Apparently I get around really well...for a 90 year old. There were three separate instances where the movie Perfect Storm was on in the background. At one point in the film, the weather service employee describes the collision of three storm systems to be one of "epic proportions." I think that the "storms" of all of these incredible people, who never fail to breathe life into me, colliding for a weekend was absolutely perfect. If only I had pictures to prove it happened.

DOH!

Okay guys. This is embarrassing. 

I've been planning for a month to spend Easter in Chicago. Chicago is my sanctuary. Strange to find that in a big city. I'm positive that it has more to do with the people than the city itself but I digress. About a month ago, I hit a wall. Had some crappy stuff come my way and figured it was time to escape. I called all of my nearest and dearest in the windy city to make sure all would be around. In planning ahead, I got a great deal on a plane ticket. Even though I'm headed out over a holiday weekend. 

As I've dealt with the ickiness of the last 30 days, I've used Chicago as my "light at the end of the tunnel". Tomorrow, I depart. I even left work early today to come home and pack. A day before a trip is planning pretty far ahead for me. As I drove home, itinerary in hand, ready to zip to my computer and check in...something strange caught my eye. My itinerary read as follows:

Depart Chicago Midway 4/8 8:55pm

Arrive Omaha Eppley 4/8 10:20pm

Depart Omaha Eppley 4/13 8:00pm

Arrive Chicago Midway 4/13 9:20pm

Ummmmmmm...anything look strange here? I booked a round trip plane ticket to the wrong city. This is BY FAR, HANDS DOWN the DUMBEST thing I've done lately. I'm only relieved I realized it today and not at 7:45 tomorrow night at the ticketing gate. 

Of course all of the things I had going for this ticket initially, worked against me. It's Easter weekend. I booked a non-refundable cheapo seat. I am SOL unless I'm willing to pay three times the price to change the ticket. I am not. 

So, now, tomorrow afternoon, my itinerary will go as follows:

Depart Omaha work via Toyota 4/8 2pm

Arrive Chicago ANYWHERE 4/8 10pm

This makes me sincerely hope that circumstances in my life will only improve and that I will never again make rash ticket-booking decisions under emotional stress (see previous post for emotional details). DOH!

What's up, Brutha?!

  

 8 years ago, my brother joined the Marine Corps. While I have always been proud of him for his choice, I will also be the first to admit that I was devastated when he left for boot camp. Being just the two of us, we've always been close. Not in the tell all your secrets kind of way, but in that laugh together, beat each other up, give a lot of crap but go to the ends of the earth if needed kind of way. So, even though I was already living in Chicago when he left for 8 weeks, the thought of losing my ability to communicate with him was heartbreaking.

 Seems so long ago. He's since lived in several cities, been through 3 tours in Iraq, fallen in love and gotten engaged, has almost finished school and accomplished countless other things. We've been apart for so many years that the idea of his enlistment coming to an end seems unreal. Soon, however, it will be a reality. My brother and I will be living in the same city for the first time in the better part of a decade. Incredible!

 As I talked this over with my wonderful future sister-in-law tonight at dinner, I got giddy. I am looking forward to so many things. Some of them include:

a) going on a triple date with Ben and Alissa.  Andy (practically my other brother) and his date have to be there too.

b) not being the only child in town for holidays...or ever for that matter

c) working out with Ben. I can NOT wait to call him to go climbing, running, biking etc

d) he may not realize it but we will also be climbing a mountain together at some point

e) getting big fat hugs from him

f) never having to seriously date someone that he can't meet (approve of) again

g) laughing together until our stomachs hurt

h) just having him a part of everyday life again

i) pretending I can beat him up

j) seeing what he decides to do once out of the military. whatever it is, he'll be great at it!

k) being an auntie (okay, you get a couple of years for this one but I'm ready when you are. those kids are gonna be in a tent before they can walk. just warning you)

The list goes on. 17 days.

Loves/Hates....scratch that...Loves only!

  

I spent the better part of an hour and a half instant messaging with my best friend tonight on..gag me...FACEBOOK! It was a flashback to high school, for both of us I think. You remember the days of America Online and chat rooms? Thank goodness that's over! Rarely will I succumb to the temptation to IM on Facebook. I should be able to find thousands of interesting things to do, other than IM, right? 

Like many things, I am willing to compromise...for my best friend. There are other posts on here that allude to my strong affection for her (her husband also) so I will spare you the gushy details again. My experience hanging out with her *virtually* this evening, inspired me to lighten things up around here...take a break from introspection (or pretend to anyway). 

  It got me thinking about quirks. The quirky things we love and hate. For the sake of the "lightening" though aaaaaaand in order to focus on the positive, I'm going to set aside the pet peeves for tonight. 

 In no particular order, here are some of the random, quirky things I 

LOOOVE (enough for 3 o's):

* The squeaky sound of fingers running up and down guitar strings. I will download songs for this reason, alone. Check this one out!

* That deep, deep blue of the sky, just before it changes to black

* Hamburgers! Being a vegetarian means I only allow one per year, on my birthday. I think about it for 364 days.

* Merino wool. I'm a snob about it and wear it almost exclusively. ewww

* Neil Diamond. He got the way to move me, Cherry.

*Letters. Writing AND receiving them! I love when people take the time to write a letter.

* Getting dressed up. I spend all day wearing outdoor gear and while I love it, I really LOVE getting waaaaay dressed up. I wish I had an excuse to go to a ball...princess style!

*........... (yep, I love doing the period extenders!)

* History. If I had a time machine, I would waste my opportunity, conflicted in not knowing where to go first.

* Air quotes! Especially when people use them "incorrectly." It kills me!

* Anyone who asks great questions

So, now I'll turn the table. What are your weird, quirky loves?

When the going gets tough...

the tough buy plane tickets. At least I do. It's probably not the most fiscally responsible reaction to emotional stress, but it's my coping mechanism. Hyper-independence. 

  I've always been "independent." Not one to shy away from going to a movie alone or getting in the car and driving to find some solitude. I've even traveled abroad on my own, much to the dismay of my mother. It's been a recurring theme in my life as I have struggled to find the balance of taking time for myself and being with others. There was a time where I had many non-committal friends, which pushed me into the mindset of "just because so-and-so can't/doesn't want to go, doesn't mean that I shouldn't." And I would. I have. I do. The issue is that then I found myself planning to do everything alone, assuming that others would either lack interest or bail. This led to several missed opportunities to share experiences.  

 What I began to discover is that in being entirely independent, I was isolating myself from others. It became an excuse not to make an effort and, in short, a rational reason not to trust others. As I began to work on this, inevitably I let my guard down. I made the choice to trust even in knowing that there were many risks. And I was okay with that. After all, no one is perfect. We will all let someone down and be let down. That's just part of life. And fearing that is NOT a reason to miss out on a chance to have a deeper relationship.

  So, I currently find myself in a situation in which a relationship I had invested a lot of my time and energy into is no longer in the picture...and I am reverting to my old habits.  As this person pulled away, I booked a trip to Chicago, a 10 day class in Colorado and a vacation with friends to Peru! It's as if I have to prove to myself that I am okay, with or without this person. 

 What I'm currently struggling to come to terms with is that IT'S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY. If the purpose of life is to love, then losing the love of a friend, a family member, a significant other, should be felt. It should be a big deal. If I really put into it all that I claim, then losing it should hold significant (and possibly lasting) meaning in my life. 

 We have all had friendships/relationships pass. These losses may be gradual, others are a rug pulled from underneath. For whatever effect it has, I hope and pray that I would truly feel it. Process and learn from it. I have not done my part on this earth if I let relationships pass as if they had no meaning. I have not loved my neighbor enough if I can live without missing their presence. 

 And while I think about this, I'm taking a vacation.

A Week of Adventure

My mission this week is a slight twist on the old saying, "Do one thing every day that scares you." While I can't commit to bungee jumping or asking guys out every day this week, I can commit to doing something new or different (picture worthy) every day. I'm a few days into this so I'm going to try to catch you all up. I can't wait to see what the rest of the week will hold. A true reminder that everything in life is an adventure if you look for it. So, here we go.

Day One: 

Wear a sombrero and allow a picture to be taken. This one was in honor of my friend, Erin's, birthday. Friends and margaritas all around. The adventure this night was the conversation!!

Day Two: 

Start my community garden for the year. A little manure helped to break in my new cowboy boots. Add a little mulch, and we have the beginnings of a little greenery in the ghetto. I already have some chives popping up and am looking forward to seeing what else survived the winter. 

Day Three:

Spend 12 straight hours with my best friend, eating, exploring Fremont, antiquing and laughing our guts out. Fun find of the day, this old beer barrel that had been converted into a picnic table, complete with lighting. The scary part of the day was that I spent my money on breakfast at Delice, lunch on the run from Jimmy Johns and dessert at Zesto's for Ry, Sar and myself. Thank goodness Ryan served up a healthy dose of Boca burger for dinner or I'd be in the poorhouse!

Day Four:

Take a group of friends on a silent, contemplative hike. What I thought to be an "easy" 4-mile loop, turned into an after-dark rescue as a few members wandered **miles** off trail. Headlamps signaling, whistles blowing and celebratory beer and pizza after all were recovered. Great to put all of that training to use. Always remember your ten essentials!! 

(sorry I don't have pics of the rescue effort. It wasn't our priority as I'm sure you'll understand)

What A Girl Blogs

  Why blog? I often ask this of myself and others every time I scroll through my standard blog series. I check certain blogs as consistently as I check the weather or hulu for the latest episode of The Office. I even check my best friend's blog from vacation on my Blackberry. Why? Often, I worry that it's out of boredom, which may be true, however, lately I am discovering that I find something cathartic in the consistency of normal people's "everyday lives." I genuinely find peace in knowing that even in times of change, some things will never change. 

  This point was driven home for me this past week as my mom and I made a surprise appearance at the childhood home of my best friend from elementary school/junior high (we were invited, but weren't announced). I hadn't seen this friend in 5 years! Since a few weeks after I watched her firstborn be delivered (a tremendous honor). I worried that there would be nothing to say, that we'd have nothing in common anymore. She is, after all, married with 3 kiddos now! I am not, much to the dismay of some. Sometimes, when long periods of time pass between friends catching up, there are moments of awkwardness. Desperately looking for the level of intimacy you had when last you spoke, but having missed out of the mundane experiences (i like to call it the meat) of one an other's lives.

 The blessing in this week's experience is that, while we had missed out on so much...SO MUCH was the same. In five years, both my friend and her mother were exactly the same. Don't mistake this for an insult. They were both the same warm, kind, inviting, vibrant, charismatic women that I remember spending countless hours with through my youth. So much has changed in their lives, and in mine, but the things that REALLY count...they were exactly the same. It made me consider my own growth. I feel I have changed so much, even in the last week, let alone 5 years! BUT I hope that in some areas, I will always remain consistent. I hope that the same qualities of good that I possess today, will be the same in 10, 20, 50 years.

  So, why do I read blogs? Because I find comfort in knowing that simplylivingsarah will always be considering the love of her dad, that sarahlookingin will continue to challenge herself with new creative ideas and that ilovethekitchen will find a new spice to add to an old favorite. I even relish in the idea that no matter how much we try to perfect the world, there will always be cakewrecks. I find comfort in knowing that no matter where we are, we strive to be better, different people, while consistently embracing who we are right now.