Wah Wah Waaaaaahhhh

My first attempt at high altitude baking...kind of a flop.

What I thought would be the most basic place to start, the chocolate chip cookie, has come out flat and tasting kind of caramel-flavored. They are crispy on the bottom but a bit too chewy on the top. I swear I followed the instructions on the back of the tollhouse bag (yep, I'm a back of the bag recipe gal) exactly as written. This leads me to think that either:

A) The high-altitude stuff will take some getting used to

B) The oven in my new apartment is somehow broken, showing favoritism to only cookie bottoms

C) I went too far in adding a small amount of oatmeal (so maybe I didn't follow directions exactly)

D) Something was amiss with one or some of my ingredients. Anyone out there used Lucerne butter?

E) The education system has failed me and I can't read

The great thing about cookies, however, is that it doesn't REALLY matter their texture. As long as there's an ample amount of chocolate, they will be consumed.

At any rate, I work at a camp. There are many here who I'm sure I could convince to eat one of my less-that-stellar cookies.

Adventures in a New Town: Finding a Church

As you may have been able to tell, I had a few "pity me" days last week. Can you blame me? I mean how can one grow up in a pretty cool town, surrounded by encouraging, wonderful people and NOT miss it upon departure? There are a lot of things that make living in a new place difficult. Many of them are small, insignificant details like figuring out where to register my car or where to get the best deal on peanut butter. A few of them are more important though and require a bit more work.

After three weeks of just resting in my new place, I decided it was time to make a greater effort in finding a church. Although one may not recognize it from the last few years of my life, I do think having a church is important. I have always found comfort in being part of and giving back to that type of community. And now, after hitting the "Start Over" button on the game of my life, I am seeking community anywhere I can find it, hardly patient enough to allow time for cultivation.

When I was in college, each year was designated a theme by administration. The theme would be discussed in freshman orientation classes and would provide the basis for conversation in small groups, chapel services and class lecture. I don't remember many of these theme questions but I do remember the year of "What is community?" I'm going to worry about unpacking this question at a later date but here's what I've learned about MY community as it relates to church.

Stepping in to Winter Park Christian Church seemed safe enough. I had pretty much just Googled Grand County churches and picked the one that seemed safest. I mean if a church's only denominational proclamation is "christian," I figured I could handle it. I was greeted warmly by the pastor and several others in the small Saturday night congregation. The music was acoustic, subtle and honestly, a nice change from many of the more "rock-n-roll" sounding services I've been to. Then.....the pastor spoke......

The sermon was allegedly on Psalm 127 but really had NOTHING to do with what was written on the page of the Bible. In the first ten minutes, this pastor managed to sit in and vocalize severe judgement of those who are homosexual, divorced and those who co-habitate before marriage. I am none of these things and I wanted to walk out then and there. I was so furious that this man could turn a section of the Bible into his political platform...and that people were listening to it! And I couldn't help but wonder how this could possibly be the second largest church in this transient, ski bum, alcohol-obsessed community. I wish I was kidding when I tell you this guy actually used the "Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve" line. ARRGGGGH! All I could think about was all of the people who I know who would hear a message like this and IMMEDIATELY, WITHOUT HESITATION, walk away, taking it as the Christian opinion.

Now, let me just say that I am not one to debate the teachings of any religious text. It may seem safe, but I plead ignorance respect and love above all doctrine and scriptural detail. To me being in any community is just loving people, not judging people. I managed to sit (quietly, although there were points I wanted to stand up and challenge him) through the end of the service. By the end of the evening, the pastor had made one or two redeeming statements and I had quite a nice conversation with one woman. A Nebraskan...go figure! I may go back again as I don't feel entirely comfortable judging this (or any) church based on one message but let me tell you, I will not be walking in objectively. I left that service wracked with guilt over things I've never done and I HATE when I feel like I could never take a friend to a church. A church should be THE most welcoming place in any community, not the most condemning. To be honest, I was disheartened to think that all of the churches out here would be like this. That I'd never find a place that preached love above all else.

Then, this morning, I went to the small chapel on the YMCA campus where my friend, Steve, is the chaplain. There were maybe 15 people in attendance and most of them were seasonal staff members but let me tell you, there was more love and community building happening in that one room chapel! Steve's message was all about loving EVERYONE and challenging us, as Christians, to show love at all costs, not sit in judgment. Ahhhhhh, sweet relief!

I will probably continue to check out other churches in the area, but I have a feeling I will end up back here at the Y where I started. Anyone, preacher or otherwise, who can challenge and inspire me to be a better person, to call me to the action of giving, serving and loving, is someone who I want to have in my life. Those are people I want to have in MY community.

In writing this, I realize that there may be some that have strong opinions about what I've said here. I hope you'll realize that this blog is just a partial glimpse of how I feel about one aspect of one thing and that this is my forum for processing.

Real Chick's Hike

..because real chick's hike and hiking is for REAL chicks...

Today is the first time since I moved (ahem, not that long ago) that I am missing Omaha. Maybe it's because I've been here long enough now that I'm realizing this is more than a vacation. Perhaps it's because all of my former co-workers just got to spend the last four days being their incredible selves together at a manager's meeting...without me. Or it could just be the longing to fit in here the way I felt I did back home, with my people, in my job, in my town. Life's curve balls always seem to come just as you find your stride. Some might say, just as complacency hits.

Tonight though, more than anything, I am thinking about Real Chicks.

Two and a half years ago, I started a women's hiking group in Omaha, the Real Chick's Hike. The first hike was comprised of five women, three of which I was related to. Having been the only woman on many an outdoor adventure and having heard countless females torn between their fears, finances and obligations and their desire to spend time outside, I had a vision for this group. We hiked once a month, always the third Saturday, and it was to be accessible to ANY woman who wanted to be there and the group would be there to empower ANY woman to get outside. Before long our group of 5 became a consistent 12, then 20, then almost 30 hikers a month. My email interest list grew to over 250. It became almost a movement in Omaha. Women responded to this idea in a way I had dreamed about but never actually considered a reality.

Two and a half weeks ago, I had to say goodbye to this amazing group of women. As we celebrated our time together on the trail and over a few (errr) glasses of wine, laughing and talking and genuinely connecting with one another, I realized that these women, this group, would be the thing I would miss most in Omaha. (Disclaimer: family and best friends are always present in one another's journey so I try not to think about them as being "gone") I learned more about myself in being around this strong, diverse group of women than I ever could have imagined. And they saw more in me as their leader and friend than I ever would have discovered on my own. At some point, Real Chick's stopped being mine and became theirs. They had ownership in it, loyalty to it and strength in each other. It was/is it's own entity and community, with or without me.

On my last hike, which was also my last official day in Omaha, they surprised me with personal and thoughtful gifts. I showed up to hike and they presented me with a "Property of the Omaha Police Department" t-shirt (I have many cop hikers...they're very protective) and an apron (another story on why it was an apron) that they had had embroidered with the Real Chick's logo and that each person present had signed messages onto. It is probably one of the most meaningful gifts I've ever received.

This group and these women have changed my life. I am a better person for having spent time on the muddy, icy, rocky trails with them. For getting up early, even after late nights, and sloughing through deep snow, bugs, rain and countless sunny mornings. For listening to their life stories and telling them mine. For teaching them gear and allowing them to teach me...well, a million things. I have met their families and they showed up to my going away party. I would go so far to say that they ARE my family. And now that I am starting (or trying to) a new life in a new town, feeling a bit lost and out of place, those written words of encouragement speak to me daily. They remind me that I am capable of doing amazing things if I am patient enough to let them be developed.

There aren't enough words to thank each of them for being part of my life but for those Real Chicks who find themselves reading this,

THANK YOU!

Needless to say, I will be making a point to always come back to Omaha on the third Saturday of a month and in the mean time, every glass of wine I drink will be in toast to Omaha's REAL CHICKS!

In Paradise Sans Camera

In October 2006, I reached the summit of Mt. Kilimanjaro in Tanzania. It took seven days of trekking though rain, dirt and dust, while dealing with weather conditions ranging from warm and humid to frigid and windy. Upon reaching the top, I pulled my camera from my pack, ready to take as many pictures as my brick-sized digital camera would allow. It was only after a half an hour on the Roof of Africa that I realized my shutter wasn't opening, seemingly clogged with a week's worth of blowing debris.

Flash forward to October 2009 (well, aaaaalmost October). The shutter on my camera hasn't worked properly for the last three years but it, for all intents and purposes, still did it's job. Not trying to be the typical American consumer, I dealt with it's dysfunction in a hippie-esque (totally a word) statement of sorts. Last week, it finally gave out on me. For GOOD.

While I am happy to finally have a reason to bite the bullet and make a fun techie purchase, the timing of my digital demise is terrible!

I JUST MOVED TO COLORADO!! In the last four days, I have been reunited with a very excited and snuggly dog, driven through Rocky Mountain National Park, over Trail Ridge Road (which, by the way, if you've never done it, DO IT!) to Estes Park. Yesterday in Estes, we saw our first snow. Actually, it was a storm that started with fog, moved into lightning with hail and THEN became snow showers. In addition, the elk are in their fall rut and the bulls are bugling, which I have been fortunate enough to watch from the wrap-around porch of my three bedroom cabin that overlooks Estes! There are winter fire rings. There are Adirondack chairs. There are blue birds that have indescribably bold plumage. There's been great humor in watching my dog very seriously and audibly trying to take on a road-blocking elk from the comfort of the car. There are no words to describe the things I've seen in these few days in the mountains. At least, no words that I can find.

And here I am, with no camera to capture any of it.

I think I've blogged about cameras before. The beauty in NOT having one, in being able to focus attention on being PRESENT in the moment, not trying to capture it. Just enjoy it. And here I am. I seem to be whining about the absence of the pocket-sized digital box. But I'm not. I swear. In fact, this week has caused me to reflect on something entirely different.

A world without pictures.

Today, I am thinking about those who used their words to paint pictures. The writers who in one media or another, be it book, letter or song, have been able to articulate the beauty of a mountain winter. The wonder, the awe, the hardship that some have (many HAD) the ability to convey using only a pen and paper. So, tonight, nestled with my dog in front of a crackling stone fireplace, I am considering you. You the poet, the lyricist. You the novelist and great scribe.

You, who came before the camera and You, the lost.

CH-CH-CH-CHanges

I was recently reminded of this blog's existence (thanks, Matt) and about the therapeutic aspects of writing in any form. So, it is with that in mind, that I return, attempting to be as vulnerable as ever. Yep, even in a public forum.

It has been almost exactly four months since my last post. At that time, I found myself reveling in the beauty of Colorado and struggling to find balance with technology, relationship and nature. So much has changed in these past four months...and so much has stayed the same. The internal struggles of becoming a better person, following dreams and ambitions and the battle for maintaining a sense of self in a culture of chaos live on in my daily life. I imagine they always will. However, the day to day circumstances in which I contemplate these things have just changed dramatically.

My last blog entry was written in the place I will be calling home in a few short days. I was offered a position in Granby, Colorado, which I snatched up immediately. In true form, I actually accepted the job without having even heard what the salary would be. Talk about a leap of faith! (In actuality, I am just not traditionally a very detail-oriented person...even with the occasional BIG detail) This is by far one of, if not the greatest risk I've taken in my life. I have one friend in the small town I'll be residing in. She is incredible and life-giving, but I'm having to trust that a support system will fall into place quickly, before I become either a shut-in or one of those crazy mountain people ...you know the ones.

While I am beyond excited about my new adventure, I am more or less a giant spaghetti bowl of emotions. It is hard to think about leaving the life I have built for myself here in Omaha. I have made wonderful friends, been able to deepen my long-standing relationships and be a presence in both my immediate and extended family. While thinking about this can be overwhelming, I know it is an internal struggle I must have in order to become the better person I was created to be, to make a difference elsewhere. For as often as I claim to be an "adventurer," it is an important reminder that really, all serious daring starts from within.

So, with that...LOOK OUT GRANBY!

Letting Go Of Technology...Really??

 I write to you tonight from the great state of Colorado. I'm in Granby (about 80 miles NW of Denver) getting my Wilderness First Responder Certification. This is day one. There are 30 people in my class, all but 2 under 30. 15 of us are currently crowded into the one room at a large and beautiful, secluded camp. You may be asking yourself why.

"They must be getting to know one another". "They must be playing cards or hearing about backcountry horror stories". I wish that were true. Let it be known that the 15 of us are "plugged in." We sit here, almost in the silence of a college library, each of us with our eyes glued to a screen and our fingers tip-tapping on keyboards. While I really have no room to talk as I am one of them, I am saddened by this. Is it really necessary for all of us to spend these fleeting moments we are allowed to leave behind our jobs, responsibilities, home problems etc to come to the mountains...and check FACEBOOK?! Is this how my generation will be remembered? The generation that couldn't let go of technology, even for vacation? 

I am hopeful that this will change as the days go by. This is, after all, day one and most of us, spending 8-5 in class every day, didn't consider that we'd have our evenings free. I know that I would have packed more gear (bike, climbing gear, even snowshoes to take into the National Park) had I known that I'd have so many hours to devote to the wilderness. 

My task for this next week and a half is not to encourage all of these people to unplug. Rather to spend the rest of my time on my computer tonight researching local adventures. I will then attempt to invite some of these like-minded outdoorsy individuals to leave the Macs and PCs and go TAKE A HIKE!

JibberJabber

Seems there's so much to catch up on! First, I guess I should mention that my plan toward impeccable fitness was thwarted by a box at work. I stubbed my pinkie toe badly enough to self-diagnose it as sprained. It doubled in size and changed to it's opposite color on the color wheel. I tried to give it a day off from walking only to stub it AGAIN on Thursday! So, needless to say, this liger made it a paltry 12.4 miles. Guess I'll try again next week (and stop wearing sandals to work).

Otherwise, the big news of my life is that my brother is back! Last night a hefty crowd gathered at a local bar to celebrate his return. What was especially great that my best friend and her husband came out to celebrate him and support me as well. Man, they're awesome. Is there a way to formally adopt other adults? A co-worker of mine and his wife came out too, which was greatly entertaining. Ben and his fiancee, Alissa, Andy (the other adopted sibling) and I stayed up until 4:30 in the morning catching up, having drinks, practicing yoga etc. You know, the usual shenanigans. I have no idea the last time I was up that late. It was fantastic.

Wish there was more to offer up. It has been a pretty full week/weekend and I know this coming week will be the same as I try to balance work, friends/family and preparing for a ten day Colorado trip that I leave for on Sunday. I've been almost embarrassed by my lack of deep thinking lately. That's not like me. I guess my mind just needed a breather.