6 Little Babies, 1 Giant Blessing

The thought of meeting people on the internet is ominous. I've heard countless horror stories (mostly from the fear-mongering media) about how that "friend" you meet might be a serial killer or a con artist. In my experience, however, I've NEVER met anyone crazy online despite my best efforts. On the contrary, I've only ever met incredible people online...real people.

Example: I was short on cash after college and found someone on craigslist to Ride Share to Chicago. Me, a young, single post-grad, I thought my mom was going to kill me. I picked him up in Des Moines, IA and by the time we got to Chicago, we were great friends, jokingly referring to ourselves as "Harry" and "Sally." To this day, we keep in touch.

I know quite a few people who've met great boyfriends/girlfriends/fiancees online...although I still can't fully give in to it.

In the last 3 years, I've had a pretty great run finding employers online. Not necessarily my full-time gigs but my side jobs. I have found three INCREDIBLE families to do some occasional babysitting for. Having recently just found the third in my run, I've been reflecting on my shear luck in meeting some of the coolest kids/parents out there.

The first, right after I moved back to Omaha, was a military family. Dad traveled a lot and mom just needed some "sanity" time. Thanks to our mutually flexible schedules, I watched their very sweet one-year-old for a little over a year. They included me in birthday parties and genuinely cared about me as much as I did them. I was SO bummed when they moved to PA but it led me back to craigslist and to...

The TRIPLETS! Two girls and a boy, these three were attached to mom's hip and never left one another's side. When they cried, they all cried...thankfully, it was more amusing than frustrating as they got on their hands and knees and rocked back and forth, completely synchronized. They loved to giggle and play outside (woohoo!). It was always so nice when mom came home...so we could have a glass of wine. On several occasions, I stayed longer talking with mom and dad than I had actually been watching their children. This time, I moved. Again, looking for just enough extra income to cover my "fun money," I went back online, where I found...

the social ski bums! They found themselves renting a home in Winter Park in order to "get a life." Dad, the hard-working professional and mom, the hard-working stay-at-home mom, they needed a place to run away to find freedom and fun. They loved my interest in staying active with their children and I loved their laid-back, trusting attitude toward me. The first afternoon I babysat, they came home and offered me a glass of wine. 3 bottles and 8 hours later, I finally left, completely in love with them (and for those of you who know me...it wasn't just because of the alcohol)! They are generous beyond belief and last night, for Thanksgiving, treated me to a lavish dinner at the Lodge at Sun Spot (at the top of Winter Park resort). Before I left, dad said "Jessie, you're family so I hope you know we expect you to spend holidays with us if you're not at home." You have no idea how nice this was to hear. They are the beginning of my Winter Park community (well, outside of my place of employment) and you know, I already consider them to be my family too.

I have been so blessed to find such wonderful people! Families who allow me into their lives, include me in making family decisions, confide in me and with whom I will gladly do the same. Last night, on Thanksgiving, I was reminded of how fortunate I've been in this area of my life and how randomly our blessings find their way to us. Even through the ominous internet.

I'd post pics, but I kinda have a thing about positing pics of other people's kids online...the internet's scary, you know! :)

Trust

Why is it so difficult NOT to trust? How do I continue to trust despite being burned? I wonder how many opportunities for trust will I allow in my life before walking away from a person...a place? I will trust my climbing harness with my life but if I were to fall out of it, I can guarantee I would never put it on again. And yet, I often allow repeated hurt and sorrow into my life, despite frequent disappointment and I am frustrated that I continue to trust. Particularly with repeat offenders. I am allowing all kinds of toxicity into my life.

Yesterday was a highly disappointing day. I felt attacked from every direction. I spent the night awake and frustrated.

I felt taken advantage of by a coworker

...misled used and disregarded by a friend

...disappointed in a family member

I felt like a fool, a complete idiot for trusting.

I recognize this is a complete "Debbie Downer" post and in the end, despite all of my complaining, I know I will inevitably trust all of these people again. I know I shouldn't and I will. Unsure why, I will continue to rely on people who prove to be unreliable. I'm wondering when I will learn my lesson, knowing that...

perhaps the real issue is that I don't trust....myself.

You Gotta Serve Somebody

"Well, it may be the devil or it may be the Lord

But you're gonna have to serve somebody."

Cruising through my Ipod in the car yesterday, this song by Bob Dylan came on and I've spent a fair amount of time thinking about it's lyrics since. It's not a complicated song. In fact, it mostly lists off various occupations and the choice of anyone in those positions to serve. State trooper, construction worker, rock n roll addict etc. I guess it's the simplicity of the song that catches my attention, even if it does get a little repetitive at times. It's so easy to think of my life as being pretty wholesome, that I'm a "good girl" and don't do a lot that hurts people. This song reminds me that I'm wrong.

Every day is a series of choices.

Every conversation, every action and interaction is a statement.

Who do I serve?

Last week I had the privilege to sit in on a meeting of coworkers. This group's goal is to make our staff feel loved, respected and valued. They write thank you notes and bake cookies, all of which are delivered anonymously. Every year, they plan a Thanksgiving Dinner and Christmas Party for our seasonal and international staff, who don't get to go home for the holidays.

The staff Thanksgiving Dinner was held last night and 80 people came out to celebrate together. My co-worker, Marie, and I volunteered to be on dish duty. Selfishly, it was because they had previously been planning on using disposable dishes and, as a member of the Green Team, was bummed out about it. I told them if they used REAL plates, I'd wash them. :) What I found was that busing tables for those I work with was SO fun. I was able to interact, even if just for a moment, with every single attendee. I was able to smile and happily take their dirty plates as their Tryptophan comas set in. I cleared the plates of my boss and of the kids who clean my office (to clarify, they're not actual kids, they're 20). It was incredible and people were surprised that we had volunteered to do the dirty work.

It was an incredibly meaningful experience for me. So meaningful, in fact, that I am starting today with a renewed attitude of service. I am walking out to work, wondering what I can do for others today. Cognizant of the choices I will make in service.

It may be the devil or it may be the Lord but you're gonna have to serve somebody.

Bored

There are three seasons here in the mountains of Colorado: Summer, Winter and Mud Season. Sometimes called "shoulder season," this is the time when most full-time residents run for the beaches of Mexico. Waitresses in high class restaurants can leave at he end of a day having only served one table. This is the time when the money in my pocket and how I spend it directly affects another's quality of life.

Not that I have much to compare it to but this year, it seems Mud Season refuses to end. There was a glimmer of hope a few weeks back when we were blessed to receive 13" of powder in 24 hours. It didn't take long though for the sun to decide it wasn't ready to hide away just yet and we've now had 2 weeks straight of 50-60 degree temperatures.

A big part of my decision to move here was the opportunity to grow in my knowledge and passion for the outdoors. I've had some great hikes and really have been able to do some quality exploration. Not too mention that the fair weather has made driving, moving and exercising my dog a much more comfortable experience. But ENOUGH ALREADY!

Nature, I am READY. I'm ready to cross-country and downhill ski, ice climb, snowshoe and skijor. I'm ready for my dog to learn to pull a sled and for the energy of tourism to hit this town. This is a ski town that's ready for our ski boom. Winter Park Resort opening day is less than a week away.

So, enough with fall.

BRING ON THE WINTER!

I have an unhealthy obsession...with my dog

The first step is admitting you have a problem

It's not uncommon for me to refer to my daily events as things "we" did. This causes some confusion with others in my story telling. I have been asked on many occassions who "we" includes. My answer is most always the same: "Oh, that's me and Bracco."

I adopted him a mere 5 months ago and we're attached at the hip. He has playdates with other dogs. He has trashed my car with his long hair and muddy feet. All windows are covered in prints from his big crayon nose. He is hazardous to my driving when he barks at elk and tries to attack (yep, you heard me) EVERY car that passes in the opposite direction (this actually makes me laugh so hard I cry).

Many people my age have spouses and kids or highly demanding careers to occupy their thoughts. I have my boy, Bracco.

I spoil him rotten.

Now that I think about it, I doubt I will ever find a guy who goes to the lengths B does to "save" me from chipmunks (and squirrels and horses and foxes and deer) or have a child that will eat a bumble bee in defense of my honor.

I like to think that he is happy with me. He had kids with his other family and I bet he misses playing with them. In my personification of him though, he's happier overall on the hiking trails and road trips with me.

Boy, do I EVER love my happy, floppy, hairy, protective mutt!

Can you blame me??

Wah Wah Waaaaaahhhh

My first attempt at high altitude baking...kind of a flop.

What I thought would be the most basic place to start, the chocolate chip cookie, has come out flat and tasting kind of caramel-flavored. They are crispy on the bottom but a bit too chewy on the top. I swear I followed the instructions on the back of the tollhouse bag (yep, I'm a back of the bag recipe gal) exactly as written. This leads me to think that either:

A) The high-altitude stuff will take some getting used to

B) The oven in my new apartment is somehow broken, showing favoritism to only cookie bottoms

C) I went too far in adding a small amount of oatmeal (so maybe I didn't follow directions exactly)

D) Something was amiss with one or some of my ingredients. Anyone out there used Lucerne butter?

E) The education system has failed me and I can't read

The great thing about cookies, however, is that it doesn't REALLY matter their texture. As long as there's an ample amount of chocolate, they will be consumed.

At any rate, I work at a camp. There are many here who I'm sure I could convince to eat one of my less-that-stellar cookies.

Adventures in a New Town: Finding a Church

As you may have been able to tell, I had a few "pity me" days last week. Can you blame me? I mean how can one grow up in a pretty cool town, surrounded by encouraging, wonderful people and NOT miss it upon departure? There are a lot of things that make living in a new place difficult. Many of them are small, insignificant details like figuring out where to register my car or where to get the best deal on peanut butter. A few of them are more important though and require a bit more work.

After three weeks of just resting in my new place, I decided it was time to make a greater effort in finding a church. Although one may not recognize it from the last few years of my life, I do think having a church is important. I have always found comfort in being part of and giving back to that type of community. And now, after hitting the "Start Over" button on the game of my life, I am seeking community anywhere I can find it, hardly patient enough to allow time for cultivation.

When I was in college, each year was designated a theme by administration. The theme would be discussed in freshman orientation classes and would provide the basis for conversation in small groups, chapel services and class lecture. I don't remember many of these theme questions but I do remember the year of "What is community?" I'm going to worry about unpacking this question at a later date but here's what I've learned about MY community as it relates to church.

Stepping in to Winter Park Christian Church seemed safe enough. I had pretty much just Googled Grand County churches and picked the one that seemed safest. I mean if a church's only denominational proclamation is "christian," I figured I could handle it. I was greeted warmly by the pastor and several others in the small Saturday night congregation. The music was acoustic, subtle and honestly, a nice change from many of the more "rock-n-roll" sounding services I've been to. Then.....the pastor spoke......

The sermon was allegedly on Psalm 127 but really had NOTHING to do with what was written on the page of the Bible. In the first ten minutes, this pastor managed to sit in and vocalize severe judgement of those who are homosexual, divorced and those who co-habitate before marriage. I am none of these things and I wanted to walk out then and there. I was so furious that this man could turn a section of the Bible into his political platform...and that people were listening to it! And I couldn't help but wonder how this could possibly be the second largest church in this transient, ski bum, alcohol-obsessed community. I wish I was kidding when I tell you this guy actually used the "Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve" line. ARRGGGGH! All I could think about was all of the people who I know who would hear a message like this and IMMEDIATELY, WITHOUT HESITATION, walk away, taking it as the Christian opinion.

Now, let me just say that I am not one to debate the teachings of any religious text. It may seem safe, but I plead ignorance respect and love above all doctrine and scriptural detail. To me being in any community is just loving people, not judging people. I managed to sit (quietly, although there were points I wanted to stand up and challenge him) through the end of the service. By the end of the evening, the pastor had made one or two redeeming statements and I had quite a nice conversation with one woman. A Nebraskan...go figure! I may go back again as I don't feel entirely comfortable judging this (or any) church based on one message but let me tell you, I will not be walking in objectively. I left that service wracked with guilt over things I've never done and I HATE when I feel like I could never take a friend to a church. A church should be THE most welcoming place in any community, not the most condemning. To be honest, I was disheartened to think that all of the churches out here would be like this. That I'd never find a place that preached love above all else.

Then, this morning, I went to the small chapel on the YMCA campus where my friend, Steve, is the chaplain. There were maybe 15 people in attendance and most of them were seasonal staff members but let me tell you, there was more love and community building happening in that one room chapel! Steve's message was all about loving EVERYONE and challenging us, as Christians, to show love at all costs, not sit in judgment. Ahhhhhh, sweet relief!

I will probably continue to check out other churches in the area, but I have a feeling I will end up back here at the Y where I started. Anyone, preacher or otherwise, who can challenge and inspire me to be a better person, to call me to the action of giving, serving and loving, is someone who I want to have in my life. Those are people I want to have in MY community.

In writing this, I realize that there may be some that have strong opinions about what I've said here. I hope you'll realize that this blog is just a partial glimpse of how I feel about one aspect of one thing and that this is my forum for processing.